Hi Guys - I need some feedback please. My girlfriend is pregnant. Completely unexpected and definitely a surprise. I am scarred sh*tless. We love each other very much but have a "volatile" relationship. She is very stubborn (as am I) but she is also an only child (I come from a family of four kids). She seems to think everything should go her way and if she doesn't like what I am saying, she simply switches off.

 

When we found out she was pregnant - I asked her if she was ready for this (I am still unsure on whether I am ready for it). She has just started her career, we are not settled etc. At the time she said that she didn't care about her career - having a baby was more important to her.

 

3 months in and she turns around and has decided (without discussing it with me) that she is going to take 6 months off and then go back to full time work.  I was very upset for a number of reasons:

 

1) It wasn't about us and our family - it was just about what she wanted.

2) She has down a complete 180 on what she said going into this

3) She is working for purely selfish reasons - I make enough to support both of us, we will not be ANY better off financially (childcare will wipe out what she makes)

4) MOST importantly - I think the baby suffers. I already work big hours.... So that my family does not have to get short changed. I don't believe in a baby growing up spending more time with strangers than its family (if it is not necessary).

 

When I tried to explain this she just got really mad and said that she wouldn't talk about it. My concern is that she struggles to keep up with daily stuff even now without a baby. She gets home late, exhausted etc. With the added variable of a baby  I just don’t see how it can work. Our house is not tidy enough for a baby environment.

 

I am scared that the baby and I are going to get the short straws. Instead of getting home after a long day (I work more than average hours) and being able to enjoy time with my partner and baby, I am going to have to help prepare dinner, help with the housework, and then try and find time to spend with the baby.

 

She says she will not be a stay at home mum, doing my cleaning and cooking (typical feminist) and I am not asking that. I want her to work part time, but this means she want be able to do what she wants ("PR is a FULL time job").

 

Am I out of line here? I get that she has career goals.... and it shouldn't be just about money- But I struggle to see how everyone else loses out massively just so that she gets to do the impossible. I can see stress and tension mounting to an explosion point.... I am also really angry because I asked her about this right at the beginning. I wanted to end this and wait until we were both more ready, in terms of having a more settled relationship and also further advanced in where we wanted to be in life.

 

Thoughts /  Feedback /  Advice - PLEASE!